Finally catching up!

Life is horrible when you're laptop is down. It's still not 100%, but at least I'm able to get on and do a much needed update!

Here's weeks 11-15!

Look how baby has grown!

"Your fetus currently enjoys a 1:1 ratio between body and head, and has skin so transparent that blood vessels show right through. But, fingers and toes are no longer webbed, and hair follicles, tooth buds and nail beds are forming -- setting up a significantly more attractive future."

"As you move into the second trimester, baby shifts into the growth and maturation stage. After weeks in the critical development stage, almost all of baby's systems are fully formed."

"Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body. Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy. (Much more convenient.)"

"Your adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, and (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over the body for warmth."

"Continuing the march towards normal proportions, baby's legs now outmeasure the arms. And, finally, all four limbs have functional joints. Your fetus is squirming and wiggling like crazy down in the womb, though you probably still can't feel the movements."




How far along?: 15w2d. Made it to the 2nd trimester!

Maternity clothes?: Love them!

Movement:  I've been feeling little flutters! Finally!

Stretch marks?: Still the old ones.

Sleep?: I'm finally feeling rested when I sleep, but I'm still up a couple times a night to pee.

Symptoms?: Feeling pretty good actually! Being tired is the biggest thing. I'm also sore at the end of the day. Running after Eli all day takes a toll on me.

Food cravings: I want Chipotle SO bad, but have yet to get it.

Belly button in or out?: Innie.

What I miss: Not much.

What I'm looking forward to:  Really feeling movement!

Milestone:  Making it to the second trimester!

Belly Pictures:

 

 

Other updates:

Since I've updated last I've have 2 ultrasounds! The quality isn't great, but once I scan them they will be better. 

Both ultrasound went great! Baby Yoda is growing great and we found out the sex! We're doing a little reveal announcement so once we get it done, I'll post it for everyone to see! And speaking of announcements, we went FB official. Below is the link to the little video we did. Everyone is excited for us!

Our FB announcement!

Weeks 9 and 10!

Exhaustion got the better of me this past week, which is why I didn't update. But never fear, here's 2 weeks of updates in 1!

How big is baby?:

"Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like... well... a baby!"

"With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will too.)"

How far along?: 10 weeks today! 2 until the end of the 1st trimester!

Maternity clothes?: Yupp.

Movement:  Hoping to feel those flutters again in the next couple weeks.

Stretch marks?: Old ones only.

Sleep?: Is the greatest! I got a Boppy Maternity pillow and used it last night. I had one of the best nights of sleep in a long time.

Symptoms?: Still tired.Nausea hit me like a ton of bricks today, but I hope it leaves as quickly as it came.Emotional wreck. Skin breakout.

Food cravings: Not too many this week. Feeling too tired to eat.

Belly button in or out?: Innie.

What I miss: Not a lot

What I'm looking forward to:  My next ultrasound on the 1st!

Milestone: Making it to 10 weeks with no problems.

Belly Pictures:

9 weeks

10 weeks

Other thoughts: I've made it to the milestone of my first loss. I thought I'd be excited to get here, but I know my other loss milestone is right around the corner. I'm going to try using the doppler to see if I can hear the heartbeat. I know it's early, and I won't get freaked out if I can't find it, but I know the relief I'll have if I *DO* find it, so it's worth a shot.

8 weeks and 1st ultrasound!

8 weeks down, 4 to go! Things are finally starting to look good!

How big is baby?:

"Your baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy."

How far along?: 8w5d.

Maternity clothes?: Yes.

Movement:  Still too soon.

Stretch marks?: Still have the oldies.

Sleep?: Is the greatest!

Symptoms?: Still tired. Feeling nauseous all the time. Emotional. Some slight constipation - yay! *eye roll*

Food cravings: Chocolate and ice cream. Even better if they are combined!

Belly button in or out?: Innie.

What I miss:  Not too much this week.

What I'm looking forward to:  Making it to the second tri! Not too long now!

Milestone: Our *great* ultrasound today!

 

Belly Pic: 

 

 

Well, today was our first ultrasound for baby Yoda. I was terrified. Geo was there with me so he did his best to keep me calm, but nothing could keep me from shaking on the table. Thankfully, the tech got right to it and even before I got to see the screen, she told me that there was a heartbeat! Cue the tears. As she got the measurements, she informed us there was only 1 baby (Geo got off lucky!) and had me hold my breath as she got the HB, which was a nice, strong 171. (So, maybe a girl?!) Yoda was also measuring ahead at 8w5d - so my new EDD is January 15th. 

 

When she was done, she turned the screen and we got to see our Yoda - with the little flickering HB! I'm finally starting to accept this pregnancy. I'm at the point where things usually fall apart and it's great to be safe, at least for today. 

Here's Yoda! 

 

7 Weeks

Another week down!

How big is baby?:

"Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!)

 is now in place."

 How far along?: 7w3d.

Maternity clothes?: Some bottoms. No tops yet.

Movement:  Gas bubbles in full force!

Stretch marks?: Just the old ones.

Sleep?: I finally got a good nights sleep last night. It does wonders!

Symptoms?: Tired, tired and more tired. My icky feeling is showing up mostly at nights, which is great with Eli. I've gotten really moody lately too.

Food cravings: Peanut butter.

Belly button in or out?: Innie.

What I miss:  My patience

What I'm looking forward to:  My ultrasound is Monday!

Milestone: Another week in the 1st tri is over! 5 to go!

Belly Pic:

6 weeks!

Half way through the first trimester - again!

 

 

 

How bis is baby?:

 

"Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate. "

 

How far along?: 6w2d.

Maternity clothes?: Yup - busted them out. Bloat is out.of.control.

Movement:  Still just gas.

Stretch marks?: Nope.

Sleep?: Is great when I can get it. Stupid head cold makes it hard to breathe.

Symptoms?: Sleepy, gas pains, icky feeling. A little nauseous too but I don't know if it's pregnancy related or because of this cold.

Food cravings: Chocolate.

Belly button in or out?: Innie.

What I miss:  Being able to breathe!!!

What I'm looking forward to:  My ultrasound in a couple weeks.

Milestone: Had my first Dr. appointment today.

Belly pic:

In related news: I had my first Dr. appointment today. Nothing special. I peed in a cup, got told I was pregnant (woo!), had my yearly check up and got sent for blood work. I hate blood work. I scheduled my first ultrasound and the earliest they can get me in is June 10th. So.far.away! I could have gotten in next week, by my Dr. wants to see me through my 1st trimester, due to my loss history, so I had to go in when she was there. After my first tri I'll start rotating through the other two Dr.s.  But, I just look at it this way - by the time I get in there I'll be about 8 weeks along so there definitely will be something to see on that ultrasound machine.  The countdown is on until my ultrasound!

5 Weeks!

Here we are, 5 weeks! 7 weeks until the end of the first trimester!

 

How big is baby?:

 

How far along?: 5w1d.

Maternity clothes?: Not yet.

Movement:  Gas bubbles in full force!

Stretch marks?: No new ones.

Sleep?: Is ah-may-zing!

Symptoms?: Still tired, headaches.

Food cravings: Peanut butter!

Belly button in or out?: Innie.

What I miss:  Not a whole lot.

What I'm looking forward to:  Seeing Eli as a big brother

Milestone: Another week pregnant..

Belly Pic:

4 weeks!

Alright, I know I'm a little late, but such is life. Things have been kinda hectic around here so if I'm not doing something, I'm probably sleeping. Lol.

How big is baby?

 

"At 4 weeks, your baby, now known as a blastocyst, is practically microscopic -- a teeny ball of cells. She's busy settling into her new home (your uterus), prepping for all the crucial development she'll be doing over the next six weeks."

 

 

How far along?: 4w2d.

Maternity clothes?: Not yet.

Movement:  Do gas bubbles count?

Stretch marks?: No new ones.

Sleep?: Constantly. This exhaustion is killing me.

Symptoms?: Tired. All.the.time.  More nausea than I'm used to and crampy.

Food cravings: Nothing really. I'm icky if I'm hungry, nothing sounds good, then I'm still icky after I eat.

Belly button in or out?: Innie.

What I miss:  Not being tired.

What I'm looking forward to:  A take home baby come January.

Milestone: Not peeing on sticks anymore! Yay!

Belly Pic:

4th times the charm?

Yeah, I know that doesn't sound right, but maybe it'll hold true for me.

I'm on pregnancy #4. Currently due January 19th, 2014, which is 2 days after Eli's birthday.

I'll do an official update on Sunday when I hit 4 weeks - which is Mother's Day.

I'm terrified, excited, anxious and numb all at the same time. Is that even possible?

I guess it's time..

I don't want to be writing this. I wish this was all a bad dream so when I'd wake up, everything would be better. But sadly, this isn't a bad dream and here I am again. I've had another miscarriage.

After my last good ultrasound on the 10th, I was finally feeling somewhat confident. I got Eli all dressed up in his "Big Brother" t-shirt and we took family pictures for our Christmas cards. They were printed and ready to go. That weekend I had some spotting and exactly 1 week after my 10 week ultrasound, the baby had no heartbeat. Since my body had already started bleeding, I went through this miscarriage naturally and on December 21st, exactly 2 years after my first loss, I lost my second baby.  On New Year's Eve I had my follow up appointment to make sure everything passed naturally and got the all clear from my Dr. I was done miscarrying.

 For whatever reason, I took this news easier than the last time. I feel more upset about letting everyone else down, than losing another baby. It kills me to see my parents upset. It kills me to see George break down. But most of all, I feel like I like Eli down. I know he doesn't get it. He's way to young to understand. But I want nothing more than to give him a brother or sister.

And now I don't even know if I want to try again. How much more can my heart take? How many  more times is my body going to let me down? I'm numb to losing a baby. One horrific day in December of 2010 robbed me of any happiness I can get from being pregnant. But I can't take the awkwardness that follows. Those couple weeks following a loss where people don't know what to say or how to treat me. I just don't know if I can go through that again.

Let's not forget the anxiety I'll have when I get pregnant again. I don't like not connecting with the baby right away. I don't like checking the toilet paper every time I wipe for blood. I don't like feeling so jaded and negative when I'm pregnant. With Eli I don't think I ever felt "okay" with his pregnancy until about 20 weeks when his A/S ultrasound came back good. I tried very hard to act happy and positive, but deep down I wasn't secure with him until I knew he was healthy.

I just don't know where we are going from here. If we want to try again, I have to wait until I get my period once, then we are clear medically. But are we ready emotionally? Are we ready to take that plunge. Maybe we'll never know.